Friday, April 15, 2011

The rose

Today, The glass is FULL, for sure.
Despite the tribulations of sending Ellie to her father's for the week....
Despite having to basically tell my lawyer I am firing him for incompetence....
Despite all the crap that has gone on today, I finally broke down and listened to my husband.  And you know what... (he was right).  I should have read his monkeyshine blog sooner.  It reminded me that I should be playing tag in the outfield  :-)
He had mentioned something that stuck.

"Why bother planting the rose, when you know it will die anyway"  In his usual end of days point of view.  And I thought about it, and realized...
.....for the smell of course.  For the simple joy of looking at something so perfect, in all it's imperfect beauty.  To smile when you see it, even if a thorn pricked your finger.
To be sad when it starts to wither, and wish it could be vibrant once more.
To replace the water and cut the end to try your best to hold off the inevitable.
Then to wake up one morning and to see that it has died...
....and to truly miss it, and all the happiness it brought.
To appreciate the rose and enjoy it every second of every day that it is here on earth.
That's why I plant them.
That's why I love to linger and enjoy every minute.
That's why I worry about Sage for weeks on end, seemingly holding my breath for months.
That's why I keep fighting...
That's why I plant roses.
Because I believe that they do live forever, in our hearts.

And then the call came.  The piercing ring through my moment of reflection.
We don't answer the phone anymore because of all the Dr's, and bill people that call for Doctors, and bill people for accounts of doctors.... so I was sitting here at my computer,  listening to Dr G give the news.  She has a voice that is so fast you can barely understand her at times.  But then, she slowed down, and even paused before delivering the news...
after that all I heard was mumble, I will listen to the rest of the message later.
  Who cares, Sage is OK!
After 8 excruciatingly long weeks of waiting, we have kicked Murphy to the curb...for now.  Sage's cultures came back with no AFB growing.  No more long hospital admissions for this bug!  Less than half of a very hard treatment course must have been enough, only by the grace of God.  Thank You......THANK YOU!

Today, The sun is shining brighter
The bluebirds are playing on my porch
The waves are crashing lightly
as a cool breeze comes through the windows.
My house smells like Love.

And finally, this CF momma can be free and at peace for a while :-)
And, I put a fresh cut rose on my husbands sink,  to remind him why I plant roses <3